Only the good

Posted: January 19, 2016 in blog, family, Uncategorized

This is something I have been wanting to share. I have been putting it off, because it is very hard for me to write let alone think about. Even after all these years…

I don’t like the month of January. I think I have said that before. But there is a really great reason. 18 years ago, on this day, I had to say goodbye to my older brother and watch as they put him into the ground. He was only 33 and had pancreatic cancer. He was omitted into the hospital the day after Christmas and never got to leave.

S was a pretty special person. Everyone liked him, and he made friends wherever we were. But S was different then me. He had Down Syndrome. He was 7 years older, the middle child, and even though I was younger, I always felt like he was the “baby” in the family. He got pretty much whatever he wanted, and yes, we had our brother/sister spats, but we loved each other very much.

He went to a special school and was treated pretty normally. He got to ride the bus, to and from and like I said, everyone loved him. He was really easy going. He loved music. His favorite was Michael Jackson. From the time he got home till dinner time, you could find him jamming out, volume cranked. When I was learning how to drive, he would go with our mom and me on rides. He thought it was pretty great that sissy was driving. He would ask mom when he would be able to drive. She would say one day you will, and he would smile really big.

When he was in his twenty’s he switched over to another learning center, where he went everyday and got paid for doing small jobs. He also had classes, like art and dance. They performed musicals around the city and he was usually one of the ones that got to be upfront. His last one was Grease, and he loved doing all the dance numbers.

The day they told my mom it was cancer, they said he would never walk again. He would be in a wheel chair, because there was a tumor pressing on his spine. She started making arrangements to buy a wheelchair and  went out and bought him a new bed. At first they had hopes and even made him go through chemo. But it was too hard on him and they stopped. I got home about 3 days before he passed. It was the hardest thing I ever had to witness. To see him like that.

The last night, in the room, our dad was talking to him and S kept reaching up to the ceiling of the room. My dad asked him what he was doing, but he just kept smiling and reaching out. My dad put his hand up and told him that there was nothing there. I rode home with him in silence because mom stayed. The doctor’s had told her that he wasn’t going to make it through the night.

Later on, I read that when people are dying they see angels. The angels are circling them and getting ready to take them home. I believe S was seeing angels that night.

It is true what they say, only the good die young.

Thanks for reading.






  1. Josh Wrenn says:

    I am so sorry for your loss, And F Cancer.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Victo Dolore says:

    The dying DO see angels. I have been there when it happens more than once. Angels are real.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    Liked by 1 person

  4. OneBusyMama says:

    What a beautiful and moving post. (It looks like a piece may be missing in the middle after the Grease part. Like it accidentally got deleted.) Your brother sounds like such a special sweet young man. Losing someone is hard…I can’t imagine losing a brother. I am sorry for your loss. It’s wonderful to see that you have such fond memories to remember him with!

    I’ve heard my fair share of people
    Seeing god or Angels right before they pass. I wouldn’t doubt it for one second!

    Liked by 1 person

    • momof1and10 says:

      My thoughts were all over the place as I was typing. Holding back tears and I didn’t proofread it. I fixed the part you spoke about, just a typo. There was so much more I wanted to say but it was just too hard. Thanks for reading!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • OneBusyMama says:

        I completely understand. You start something and then realize you may not survive typing it due to emotions. I was doing the same thing after Grandma passed. Hang in there. Memories can be sad, but they can also be very beautiful at the same time.

        Liked by 1 person

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